


Parley

by RetrobrandTerobrand



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pirates, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22444813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetrobrandTerobrand/pseuds/RetrobrandTerobrand
Summary: ‘I think we can help each other.’And that short little pirate leaned forward, face so smug and close that it left Heinz clutching at the only bit of breath left in his lungs as Perry poked a narrow finger into the middle of his chest.‘Your moustache is totally fake, by the way.’Or:A pirate AU with a fair amount of romantic tension at sea.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, implied
Comments: 10
Kudos: 192





	Parley

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CosmicCrossing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicCrossing/gifts).



> This is based on the lovely Shima-Draws art, which you can find here:
> 
> https://shima-draws.tumblr.com/post/189752895181/okay-so-hhghgh-the-server-mentioned-sea-shanties
> 
> Her art and AU are so amazing and I couldn't help but write a thing for it shbfdhfbsd

Voyage always left Heinz feeling buoyant.

Chipper and tenaciously burdened with the desire to keep his ship out at sea forever, floating amongst the crisp smell of salt and the light breeze that followed their trail in a gentle litany.

What didn’t leave him feeling buoyant was _rivals_. 

Other pirates that either attempted to hinder his journey, steal from him, or merely gloat.

Rodney had (more than once), hooked onto the side of his ship to toss a bag of coins- silver and rusted, onto his deck, nasally voice carrying on about his latest treasure hunt and conquests.

Heinz had to squash down the desire to tell Norm to ready the cannons.

But now there was a repeating offender. One that he had belatedly realised was out to get him, and him specifically. His ship, a sleek one with well oiled decks and precariously ragged flags, seemed to tag down his own luminously purple one when he least expected it. Which was almost always during his raids. 

The thing that startled him most was that the Captain was almost always alone. No crew to back him up, just his silver sword and blue hair that tumbled out from beneath a worn hat.

Heinz’s mouth had gone dry the first time he showed up, eyes dropping down to the tightly fitted tunic that barely rustled with his determined stride.

His feet seemed stuck in place, eyes blinking until the stranger’s dark hand wrapped around the hilt of his sword, and unsheathed it with one sharp pull.

He certainly wasn’t a bad sword fighter, but this man was _good_ , and Heinz felt significantly at odds with his clean face and tight expression.

His presence left failed raids in his wake (with Heinz either staring blankly or complaining), of course, and Heinz had hoped that it would be the last of him meddling in his affairs.

He was wrong, unsurprisingly.

It was noon, when the now familiar ship pulled in on the horizon, a bare speck in the distance until he pulled out his telescope and peered down it with a groan.

Vanessa looked up at him, black boots resting comfortably atop the ledge of the ship. “Is it him again?”

Heinz grumbled something nonsensical.

She smirked, long hair tangling against one of the nets behind her when a particularly harsh gust of wind pelted through the air. She brushed some strands aside, and straightened, looking all too smug for someone that had been complaining about the unfairness of not having her own ship only five minutes ago. 

“Are you going to stare at him or actually get rid of him this time?”

“Get rid of him, of course,” Heinz muttered, then spat out with a lot more determination, “Norm! Give no quarter.”

Vanessa opened her book again, ignoring the fluttering pages that only stilled when she wormed a pale finger over them, “Norm’s down in the brig.”

“Begad,” Heinz said flatly.

It didn’t help that the rest of his hands were completely useless.

The merriment that had been tingling at his fingertips turned into dread, twisting at his stomach at the prospect of what the captain could possibly want. 

He wasn’t even doing anything wrong at the moment.

In fact, his ship had decided it was at a stalemate with the sea, drifting through the waves without much care for what direction Heinz wanted it to go in.

So his rival’s ship approached with such precision and speed that it gave him almost no time to prepare, running from starboard to port while Vanessa (along with some of his crew) watched him in thinly concealed amusement. He almost slipped at one point, grumbling as one of his feathers dislodged from his hat and floated to the ground.

It was bright purple, immediately tarnished by the splatters of water across the wood and the dirt that smeared itself among the cracks.

Heinz spat out a tumble of curses, plucking the stupid thing between two fingers, only to jerk up in surprise when his daughter cleared her throat.

There was a shadow casting itself over his boat, darkening the front and sending a hushed silence over the other pirates meandering around. 

Vanessa was pointing behind him, but Heinz didn’t exactly feel inclined to turn around. 

He had finally caught up, Heinz supposed as he craned his neck around irritably, and spotted the ship only a few meters away, hovering skilfully next to his own. 

Heinz peered over the gap, stumbling on words that hadn’t even left his mouth, and spotted the pirate in question near the plank. There were no cannons peeking out over the ledge, no Jolly Roger flapping in the wind, and a distinct lack of threats. 

The pirate hauled himself onto the plank, ignoring the threatening hand Heinz had placed over his sword. 

He wasn’t wearing his hat, and his hair rustled in the wind, but he moved across the small piece of wood without hesitation, dark eyes fixated on the deck below. 

Heinz thought he was going to throw himself off it, but he came to an abrupt stop, body barely wavering against the torrent of what had to be an oncoming storm.

“Can I help you?” Heinz called out, crossing his arms as he straightened, a poor attempt to make himself appear more threatening.

The other captain lifted a hand, all but a silhouette in front of the setting sun, and Heinz had to squint to see the sharp movements of his fingers.

“What?”

He could barely see against the intense rays that were shooting out between dark clouds- the ones doing their best to cover the array of pinks and orange painting the sky.

“You can’t see that either, right?”

Vanessa shook her head.

“We can’t see that!” Heinz yelled, and rolled his eyes at the cacophony of grumbles behind him, all on the cusp of agreement, before the shuffle of their boots against the deck resumed.

Surely he wouldn’t attack him while so severely outnumbered?

The captain turned around, pausing briefly, before another head popped over the ledge, pale hands gripping the wood as the figure hauled themselves up.

Heinz blinked, then pursed his lips when he realised it was a _child._

A red-headed boy wearing a hat far too big for his head. It slipped over his eyebrows, and he pushed it up with one hand while his elbow balanced over the ledge.

“He said,” the boy bellowed after a second, one hand curling over his mouth, “He has a proposition for you!”

Heinz couldn’t help but grin, arching an eyebrow when the pirate crossed his arms, nodding tightly. Today he was wearing some sort of bandanna around his neck, and it looked about ready to fly loose as it flapped in the wind.

“What kind of proposition?”

Dark hands signed something again, one word that Heinz caught this time and understood instantly.

‘ _Privateer.’_

He sucked in a sharp breath, eyes scrutinising the figure for some tell of a lie, but he stood firm, expression determined and surprisingly genuine. 

It was only then did Heinz realise that there were even more people on the ship. 

A young woman was standing in the crow’s nest with another boy, wrapped in a dress that screamed aristocracy and made Heinz’s mouth curl. But she looked far from arrogant, hands clasped over the boy’s shoulder as she gazed down at them, eyes narrowed thoughtfully.

“Alright,” Heinz murmured after a second, and then with much more conviction waved them over.

He twirled a finger through his moustache, wondering what such a stickler pirate could want out of him, other than interrupting and ruining his raids. Protection, maybe. 

A team up? 

Privateers were notoriously _annoying_. And didn’t hold back if it meant receiving a nice cut.

He glanced down at Vanessa, only to close his mouth, words dying on his lips as he followed her gaze. Her eyes were attached to the lookout, watching curiously as the girl began to climb down. She adjusted her dark breeches with a faint smirk, and Heinz pursed his lips. 

The captain dropped onto his ship with the sort of grace that Heinz didn’t normally attribute to pirates. His gaggle of children followed him, the girl, who looked far more like a teenager now that Heinz had a better look at her, trailing after them, shooting bewildered glances around the purple detailing that some called ‘tacky.’

One of the boys, the green-haired one, stuck close to his mentor (guardian?), while the other ran ahead, mouth stretched in a wide grin.

They drew the gazes of everyone on board, but they didn’t seem to care.

“Ahoy,” Heinz offered lamely, and scratched at his head with his hook.

The other pirate splayed his fingers out in a faint wave, expression still eerily flat. 

It was strange, seeing him up close during a situation that didn’t involve fists or swords. He was quite neat, for a pirate- skin not ashy or hollow, and he still had all his fingers. 

But his ears were pierced with black studs, and his linen shirt stuck flat to his chest, wet from the spray of the sea. 

Heinz swallowed, his own clothing suddenly feeling very tight as his cheeks flushed. He averted his gaze, and pointed a hand in the direction of the captain- the one that was still grasping his purple feather. 

“So, who are you, anyway?” 

The pirate raised an eyebrow, the slight twitch of his lips the only indication that he was even aware of Heinz’s internal turmoil, and lifted a dark hand. 

‘ _My name is P-E-R-R-Y.’_

 _“_ Perry,” Heinz rolled the name on his tongue, “Nice.”

He blinked, then straightened, “Wait, _not nice._ You’ve been ruining all my plunders!”

Perry shrugged, and waved his hand, only looking mildly sheepish when the two boys at his hips shot him a curious look.

Heinz crossed his arms, moustache twitching irritably, “This better be good, or you can tell it to my cutlass.”

Perry’s gaze dropped to his waist, and Heinz instantly regretted opening his mouth.

“I’m Phineas!” The boy cut in, and Heinz could have shook his hand and made him first mate right then and there, “This is Ferb, and that’s Candace.”

The green haired-boy offered him a quick click of his fingers and a sharp point, while the girl nodded, hands flattening down the ragged frills of her dress. 

There was a gentle ease of _love_ between them all that surprised Heinz, considering a crew’s affection was usually rough and tethered. But they were also _children_ , obviously not raised in such an environment, and he had to wonder what they were even doing this far out at sea, anyway. 

Perry took a step closer, his coat brushing against long black boots that seemed to fit his legs perfectly. He crinkled his eyes pleasantly, while Heinz eyed the locket hanging from his neck. 

It was easy to think longingly about how easy it would be to dismiss them, to send them on their way, but he was curious, as much as he shouldn’t have been. There was something almost alluring about a silent, and somehow perfect, pirate that gazed at him without malice. 

‘ _I think we can help each other.’_

And that short little pirate leaned forward, face so smug and close that it left Heinz clutching at the only bit of breath left in his lungs as Perry poked a narrow finger into the middle of his chest.

‘ _Your moustache is totally fake, by the way.’_

  
  



End file.
